Before I do into detail, let me first apologize...I will be rambling for the rest of the post b/c my thoughts are going a million miles a minute and my hands are shaking so bad! Please, bare with me...
So, some of you already knew this, but the majority had no idea. We have been going through this "situation", as everyone likes to call it, for the past 2 and a half years. A part of us wanted and needed to tell people, but we didn't. We didn't even tell our best friends...they either read about it in the paper or heard from someone else who read it. Some of our close friends still don't even know, until now. It was very difficult to walk around day after day keeping this to ourselves and not sharing what was happening and what we were going through. I don't know why we felt we couldn't say anything...I know Josh felt like people would hate him and see him differently. For me, I hate to burden other people with my problems...don't get me wrong, I will listen to you all day long if you need me, but I have a hard time letting my feelings out for some reason. I've always been that way...some of you know that about me! I hope and pray that this doesn't change anyone's opinion of Josh or myself, but if you feel that you would rather not associate with us, that's something we'll have to just try to understand. I have come to realize that we all make mistakes...some peoples mistakes are just made public.
Where to begin...Josh was fired from his job as a Loan Officer for a bank back in February of 2005. I found out that day what he had done. To me, I know that what he did was not right, and that he knew better, but at the same time, I in no way feel that the punishment fit the crime. Josh was a loan officer, a great employee of the bank, and had been working there for 7 years I believe. He had been offered positions of Assistant Branch Manager and I think Manager a few times, but he was holding out for that perfect opportunity at a branch that would be best for us. Well, he got the idea in his head that he needed to do better for me...that I needed more and he just wanted to make me happy. To this day I can not think of a time that I was ever unhappy with our new life together. We had only been married for just under a year when he was fired, and up until that point, I was as happy as could be! I guess I was just stupid...I let him handle all the finances, and I thought everything was great! Now we were not going out and spending bundles of money all the time, but we were comfortable, if you know what I mean. We didn't have to worry all the time about money....now I worry every day and just pray that I make it through the month. I'm definitely learning how to stretch a penny these days!!
Ok, so he broke the news to me when he got home from work...spent 6 months looking for a job, doing odd jobs, then finally was blessed with a wonderful job that he enjoyed doing! And guess what, even though he is in prison, his boss is holding his position until he gets out...could it get any better?! I thank God every day that he will have a job when gets out and that we won't have to worry about that! Well, in January he had his first court appearance for his plea, then May 1 was his sentencing date. To hear that he was given 15 months was like a punch in the gut...I knew there was the possibility of him getting time, but that seemed outrageous! When I sit and think about it (like all the time), I try to rationalize it. He got 15 months for approving a loan without going through the proper procedure, in my name by the way, but he was making the monthly payment on it. That's what he did, but obviously he is a hardened criminal and we need to waste our tax money on keeping him in a prison where he has absolutely nothing to do day after day...I don't even need to get started on this. I could go on for hours!!
So anyway...that's one major event in our life, and it will be with us for the rest of our lives. It's not something we can run from. As you can imagine, this has caused some strain on our marriage, but we are in this together. I have stood by Joshua, and I will continue to. He's my husband and I miss him every second of every day! We've already said that we will never spend a night apart as long as we live...I'm definitely not a whole person right now...I'm missing my better half. If you know Josh even a little bit, you know he's a good person, and I know he loves me more than anything. He just made a mistake...a big one.
Josh is the one that wanted me to and pushed me to start this blog. I think he wants me to talk about my feelings, and maybe get advice wherever possible to help me get through this. I know that people are going through things sooo much worse than what we are going through. This is definitely small beans compared to what some others are going through at this time, but everyone handles stress and grief differently. I like to think that I'm strong and can get through it without any help at all, but I'm beginning to realize how weak I actually am (as I sit here typing with tears streaming down my face). Some days are "better" than others, but some days I feel like a crazy lady! I know we'll get through this...I just wish the days would go by a little faster.
If you have continued to read this, thank you for putting up with my ramblings. I could literally go on and on, but I don't want to sound negative or like I'm complaining about my life. I promise I will make the next post more positive. I hope everyone has a great weekend!
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6 comments:
You and Josh are in our prayers. When he gets home, ya'll can always move to Gardendale =)
Just wanted you to know that ya'll are in my prayers and by no means changes the way I look at you or Josh. People do make mistakes. You just keep posting. I know that will help and we will keep lifting you up in encouragement and prayer. Hope you have a great week and weekend.
Funny that they call it "camp" - not like any summer camp I've been to!
I know it must have been so hard for you to put it all out there like that. I do think that you will find that this is a very good outlet to share your feelings if you need to- Sometimes life just throws us a curve ball and we're left to pick up the pieces (we know that firsthand!). I truly believe trials in life either bring you closer (to each other and to God) or pull you apart, it's just up to us how we are going to let it affect us. I think you are doing a great job sticking by him through all of this, and sticking together. I know this year will seem like the longest for both of you, but you have a lot to look forward to and hopefully the time will pass quicker than you think. We hope to be able to come visit him again soon. We love both of you very much and will always be here for you!
You and Josh are in my prayers. I admire your strength & courage to tell your story. I hope the time will quickly pass for you both. Stay strong and remember that so many are thinking about you and are praying for you both.
Amanda, I'm so proud of you! I know it was hard to get everything out there, but you did it and survived! You know I love you and Josh, no matter what. Just like you said, nobody's perfect and we all make mistakes, they just aren't usually printed in the paper!
Thank you for sharing, Amanda. I will definitely be praying for you and Josh during this hard time. It's so awesome that you are sticking by him; there are so many people who couldn't do that.
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