This is something that I’ve struggled with my entire life. I am NEVER confident about anything that I do. For example, I made a cake last night. A from scratch Carrot Cake with homemade cream cheese icing. I used a recipe, followed it to the letter and it looks (looked) great! But, from the time that I started making it last night until right now, after 12 people have eaten a piece, I am not confident in its taste, my ability to follow a recipe and instructions, my ability to wrap it correctly and definitely not in that others will think that it’s worth eating! Where does that come from?
Well, I know where I get it: my mother. She is a wonderful cook, a terrific sewer (is that a word?), and talented at many other things, but she doesn’t give herself credit…not one bit. Anytime she comes over and cooks for us, she’ll say, “now this isn’t like it would be if I had used this or that”. But to me and Josh, it’s wonderful! The funny thing is, when she does that, it aggravates me like you wouldn’t believe. It can tend to ruin your fellowship together when someone is dissing their own product. But guess what, I do the same thing! It’s a big, mean circle of not being confident in ourselves. Granted, I may hold a double standard considering that I do it as well, and I’m sure that I can ruin everyone’s good time by doting on how awful whatever I made is going to taste, etc., but it’s ok, because it’s me! Ok, I know it’s not ok, and we should not hold double standards (I’m working on that).
So tell me, where do you get your confidence from? I know that a cake may be a silly thing to worry about, but why not, just once, can I not make something and think that it’s going to be awesome?? If someone doesn’t like it, then they just won’t eat it, right? How do you become more self-confident?? I would love your input!
I hope everyone has a great week!!!
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5 comments:
Hi Amanda, I don't have any advice because I am in the same boat your are in. So I am looking forward to what everyone tells you. Maybe I can pickup some advice along the way.
I would like to tell you that you are an awesome person. You are very talented in many ways and your cooking is great.
I guess this runs along the same lines, but my problem is... I myself am such a perfectionist that when I do something (cooking, sewing, etc.) and someone else sees it, I go right into pointing out the imperfections. Most of which no one else would even notice, or care. And it's not that I don't think they'll like whatever it is, but I guess I feel like if I go ahead and point it out then I wouldn't feel so bad if they did the same. And that is a lack of confidence. I need help too.
Don't worry about what other people may think about something you make or do. If you put your best effort forward and feel like you did everything possible to give the best product then it doesn't matter what other people think. You should know that you did your best and that is all that matters. I love you with all my heart, and yes you do "grind my gears" when you put yourself down, eventhough I tell you that you did a great job. Confidence comes from inside yourself..you have to believe that you are doing your absolute best and stop worrying about what other people might say. Only one opinion matters...(mine, kidding), only your opinion of yourself matters. Be strong and have confidence in yourself. And, know that I think you are awesome at everything.
Hello Amanda,
I have struggled with this before but I have become much better. I am 10 times more confident that I was just last year after struggling with self-esteem issues forever.
One of the biggest things involves accepting yourself...that you are okay just the way you are. I know that sounds cheesy but it is true. Just think about your husband for a minute. If someone asked you, "What do you love about your husband?" I bet you would have a long list. Consider the things you like about yourself rather than being so hard on yourself. I used to question everything I did. I could not make the simplest decision or finish any projects. When I really sat down in prayer and reflection, I did not have enough confidence in myself that I could make the right decision or complete the project well enough. I had to take baby steps...like, I am going to organize the cabinets rather than organizing the kitchen. I am going to lose 5 pound rather than I need to lose 50 pounds....eventually, girl I worked my way up to the big stuff because I had removed that fear of failure..sometimes it was the fear of failure...sometimes the fear of success. Now, I know none of that matters. All that matters is that I took that leap of faith win or lose. I can tell wonderful things about you from reading your blog. You are willing to try new things...you care about people...you don't mind sharing yourself with other...you are forgiving...you share things that will benefit others....sometimes the best way to build confidence is to remind ourselves of the good things and talents the Lord has blessed us of with. The Bible describes us as "fearfully and wonderfully made" and made with "plans and a future from God". Confidence comes from loving the unique person he has made you to be..:):)
I struggle with the exact same thing. In a weird way it was nice to know that I am not the only one. My mom has a great way of building my confidence up. I hope you can find some strength. I love you!
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